anxiety girl

Maybe it's the girls growing up or a midlife crisis, but I have been struggling with anxiety for about a month now. It's really hard to admit to people. It's like an embarrassing secret I never want people to know about me. But, not talking about it isn't helping. Maybe it's good to get it off my chest. 

I've had anxiety issues for several years now. And I had it pretty much under control for a long time. I never knew that it was about to sneak up on me in a big way. 

Panic attacks are the craziest, most awful things I have ever been through. I used to be able to stop them from coming on, but not lately. 

The girls and Jon have been amazingly understanding. There's no way I could ever thank them enough for being so patient and comforting to me. Even work has been so great about the whole situation. 

I would appreciate any prayers or happy thoughts my way. Laughter has been in short supply for me lately. It's so easy to say to think positive thoughts and to calm down. Or just have faith. Doing it is so much more difficult. I would go to any length to make this go away. 

Prayers for my sweet family are also greatly appreciated. They could certainly take a break from my crazy anxiety! 

I love and appreciate my life, family and friends. I know how blessed I am and I am truly thankful for everything in my life. So it's very hard to go through this. It's debilitating and depressing. 

Thank you, and I will keep you up to date on my progress. Love and prayers to you all!!

teddy's time

I've been waiting a while to post this post. In fact, I've been dreading it. It's been a hard week. We lost our Sweet Teddy Boy on Tuesday. He may have been *just* a dog. But, he was my dog. The girls don't remember a time without Teddy. He's been through so much with me personally. Any time, good or bad, (and there have definitely been plenty of both), he was always there with his happy, funny personality. He could make me smile no matter what. He was bouncy and silly. 

I remember one particular time King Pea and I watched him trying to "get" this huge, red ball in the backyard. He was at it for what seemed like hours! He couldn't get it just right to bite it, so he would try to hold it down, but he was far too short. He was barking at it like crazy, like the ball was purposely trying to get away from him! If you're dreaming of catching a ball, it might as well be a giant red one, right? What a little dreamer!

I'm sure he hated me putting bows in his hair, picking at his gooky eyes, and treating him like a baby doll (just sometimes!). I know wasn't the perfect pup-parent. But, I will miss him greatly. I still ache to hold him just once more. He was a cuddle bug! He *allowed* me to hold him just about as much as I wanted. When the girlie peas got bigger and wouldn't let me hold them anymore, well, he was always a nice substitute.

The last few months we knew this time was coming. He was sick and old, and all around just not his happy, wonderful self. Knowing it's coming doesn't make it any easier. I thought it would, but as I type, I have tears streaming down my cheeks. I wasn't ready. I didn't want it to be time. Even as he was going to sleep, I wanted to scream out that I changed my mind. But, he wouldn't have wanted it. He was tired.

I don't know what happens to dogs after they're gone. I know Teddy had a great, sweet spirit. He had a soul. I hope all dogs go to heaven. I'm not sure I want to be there if they don't! When I need the comfort that all things happen for a reason in their own time, I reflect on Ecclesiastes, chapter 3.

A Time for Everything

 There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot, 
     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 

It was Teddy's time. I didn't want the time to come. I wanted one more of everything. One more lick, one more walk, one more playtime, one more, one more, one more.

Here are a couple of my favorite photos of Teddy. I miss you, little buddy! More than you know.

Teddy and momma. Shih Tzu's were considered royal and holy dogs in ancient Tibet. He was destined to be the dog of a Queen! :)

He was actually playing with me here. He would always crouch down with his rear up, wagging his tail. He would bark at me and try to *get* me! Such a sweet pea!

g.g. pea prayers, please!

King Pea's sweet grandmother is in the hospital and could use your prayers. G.G. Pea fell early Wednesday morning, breaking six ribs, puncturing her lung, and was not found until Friday evening. She is in ICU and seems to be doing okay, considering what she's gone through. She's in good spirits, especially after she got her sports section and glasses so she can watch her "telly."


She's feeling weak and won't be in a regular room for a bit. She had a minor surgery to help with her collapsed lung. She's a trooper, though! She's got a long road ahead of her, but she's being prayed over and thought of every second of the day!


We Penprase Peas are going to visit her soon and will update you on her progress!