anxiety girl

Maybe it's the girls growing up or a midlife crisis, but I have been struggling with anxiety for about a month now. It's really hard to admit to people. It's like an embarrassing secret I never want people to know about me. But, not talking about it isn't helping. Maybe it's good to get it off my chest. 

I've had anxiety issues for several years now. And I had it pretty much under control for a long time. I never knew that it was about to sneak up on me in a big way. 

Panic attacks are the craziest, most awful things I have ever been through. I used to be able to stop them from coming on, but not lately. 

The girls and Jon have been amazingly understanding. There's no way I could ever thank them enough for being so patient and comforting to me. Even work has been so great about the whole situation. 

I would appreciate any prayers or happy thoughts my way. Laughter has been in short supply for me lately. It's so easy to say to think positive thoughts and to calm down. Or just have faith. Doing it is so much more difficult. I would go to any length to make this go away. 

Prayers for my sweet family are also greatly appreciated. They could certainly take a break from my crazy anxiety! 

I love and appreciate my life, family and friends. I know how blessed I am and I am truly thankful for everything in my life. So it's very hard to go through this. It's debilitating and depressing. 

Thank you, and I will keep you up to date on my progress. Love and prayers to you all!!

first day of school and catching up

We've had quite the eventful summer already. Good times and bad ones. Our sweet G.G. passed away on May 30. We had her service and it was simple, traditional and lovely; fitting for our G.G. It was sad of course, but we were able to share so many wonderful memories together as a family. I kept thinking the entire time we were gathered that she would love to be in the middle of it!

Anne Pea had a great summer vacation! She was in Florida with her friend Maddie and her family earlier this summer. I am so thankful they invited her along! She had such an awesome time and I just have to thank the Neu family for their hospitality and generosity! She's been babysitting and helping momma pea around the house all summer. She's been to Cloudcroft, helped her Nina Pea paint some furniture, and has been saving her money for clothes and nail care. Oh, she's a fashionista alright! She's gotten to see some friends that won't go to the same high school as her. I think she's sad about that, but high school is going to be such an awesome adventure! She's the only girlie pea I know that made it out of middle school relatively unscathed, and actually loved it! I remember I couldn't get out of junior high quickly enough!

Abby Pea got her first real job! Wahoo! She now gets to pay for some of her Marquette stuff! Especially now that she's an officer! (Apparently, that's an honor that comes with more expense!) She's working at Once Upon A Child. She likes it...most of the time! She has been busy with practice and her job all summer. So busy, it was really difficult to find time to get her license! But, last week, she became a licensed driver! I am so proud and terrified all at the same time! She's an excellent driver; it's all the other idiots out on the road that terrify me!

So, today is the first day of school. I can't believe how time is flying! The summer was so fun, yet I didn't get half the things done that I wanted to. We have only camped once (I wanted to go every weekend!), but have another trip planned this long weekend (yay for Labor Day!). I am sure I will be here to bore you with more pics of the girls throughout the school year. Football season starts up Friday!

There are some awesome things on the horizon for the girls and the family. I'll try to be better at keeping the blog up to date! I'm a slacker sometimes! :)

 

Here are some highlights!

 

Abby Pea is a junior this year!

~ This is just not possible and I have been holding the tears in all day! Sort of! A couple probably escaped! ~

 

Even more unbelievable, my baby pea is a freshman! In high school! Yes, the big one with all of the big people in it!

~ This really can't be happening! ~

 

 

Abby Pea getting her driver's license! (It was a little sunny out!)

 

Our camping trip! Sierra Pea joined us! Another sweet pea! My girls have the best friends in the world!

 

A fun one of Georgia Pea driving! We only let her drive in the parking lot! No worries! :)

 

We went to the Phillip Phillips and John Mayer concert! Phillip Phillips was awesome! John Mayer was a little disappointing! Oh well! We had fun anyway!

 

 

Anne Pea and her friend Maddie in Florida! I'm still rather jealous!

g.g. pea

We are currently at our sweet G.G.'s house. She had a stroke on Wednesday. She can no longer eat or drink and is paralyzed on her right side. We've been enjoying the last few days with her. We unfortunately have to head home today, which is really hard for Jon. He's not wanting to leave her bedside. 

Helen and Jon have always had a special bond. He would do anything for her and vice versa! They loved to sit and talk about everything from golf to wine! I always loved skipping class with him to come visit her. No wonder I never made it through college back then! 

She is such a beautiful lady, inside and out. She always treated me like one of her own. I felt like she was my own Grandma too. I have so many memories of good times we shared. 

I will try to post more about her situation, although there is not much changing. I feel we'll be back with our family soon. Pray for Jon and the rest of the family. I know how hard this is for him, as I have been through almost the exact same thing with Nonny. I have thought of her very often during these last few days. More often than I normally do. Also, pray for G.G. of course. Pray there is no pain. 

missing in action

Active, we have been. I don't think we've slowed down a bit!

Dance is heating up again. We've had practices and halftime performances until today. Our McKinney Marquettes were in a Showtime competition. They performed several pieces; won several awards. But, this was also the first time Abby has ever performed a solo! I know, right?! Hard to believe all of this dancing over the last decade and there's never been a solo! There were about fifteen solo pieces in her category, and {drum roll please}, she got first runner-up!!! We're so proud of our Abby Pea! Video here!

Abby Pea has been...um, shall we say, aggravating lately. She is having trouble passing a class. It's not that she can't do it; she just doesn't like it, so she's not working at it. Most. Frustrating. Thing. Ever! Since she's...um, stubborn...like me {I'm trying really hard to be nice right now. Can you tell?}, we tend to butt heads over...well, everything. I want to throttle her half the time! Then, she gets out in front of a crowd and dances like an angel...this momma pea just melts into a pile of mush! How can kids do that to a parent?! I have to just thank God that He gave her this amazing gift because I think it saves that poor girl's life sometimes! Shaking my head....

Anne Pea has been busy with friends and {another drum roll}, her first boyfriend! Yes, she snagged a boyfriend before her older sister did! He's a super sweet pea {better stay that way, too}! Now we have another kiddo to schedule into our busy lives, but we wouldn't have it any other way! We're already prepping for Valentine's Day. I have a feeling he'll get a better one than Jon or I will! So far, I'm handling it better than I thought I would. I've only stalked him a bit.  ;)  Jon seems to be okay, but every now and then I look at him, and I can see the dread on his face! He's probably thinking back to all those years ago when he was a freshman in high school...okay, maybe I should be terrified!

King and Queen of this crookedy castle and rulers of these Princess Peas are still hanging in there! Loving our jobs and seeing each other mostly in passing! Luckily, he's been off most Saturdays, which is a new, exciting treat for us! I am not accustomed to an entire day every week with this man. Haha!

new year; same ol' peas

It's a little late but...Hap-pea New Year! I am sitting here watching an America's Next Top Model marathon {yes, I know it's trashy and I'm melting my brain cells, but I don't care}, drinking spiced tea, and cuddling with Georgia.

We had a very, merry, little Christmas, and it was lovely! I have pics, but the girls look less than glamorous, so I am not posting them until I get an okay from them! :)

Abby Pea is back in the saddle with school and her dancing. Competitions are coming up and officer tryouts! Yip-pea! Our teeny break is officially over! We are in a new year and have new goals. Momma Pea is just praying we keep it up! When everything is so busy and crazy, it's so hard to keep our focus on what's important. Keeping our eyes on the most important things; happiness, peace, love. We only have a couple of short years left with our Abby Pea. I pray they are full of blessings and love. I want her to remember this time in her sweet life as a wonderful time to look back on. My high school years were a blast and I remember them fondly! I want the same for my peas!

Anne Pea...is already registering for high school classes. Pour me some more wine now! How in the H-E-double hockey sticks am I going to have my two girles in high school?!? WTH? This is a stressful, crazy time for her. She wants to accomplish so much, yet she is afraid to. I have been there. I know we all have. When all of life's possibilities are staring you straight in the face; it can be exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time! She has so many gifts and talents God has given her. I only pray Jon and I can nudge her in the direction we feel she should choose because she is capable of it. 

Two times with two girls this week, I have said that I don't want my peas to be mediocre. They are meant for something greater than anything they could ever imagine! I don't even know their full potential, but God does! I want them to not be afraid of opportunity. I have been paralyzed by it myself and still am sometimes. I never want my girls to feel that way. 

And finally, King Pea and I are pretty much the same ol' peas. We both have jobs we love. It's such a weight off our shoulders. I don't talk about my job much here. I was so worried about loving it, but I do! I have a great schedule, work with great people, and enjoy what I am doing. Jon is working about 20-30 minutes away in Lewisville, and he loves it! The other day we had just woken up and he turned to me and said, "Isn't great that we both love our jobs?"

Yes, babe. Yes, it is. We have so much we can still work on within ourselves and our family. But, one little step at a time we'll get there!

My beautiful peas! And Georgia!

Our white Christmas! These are bad pics. It was cold and I was using my phone!

Abby Pea showing me the snow.

Anne Pea showing me...her bum!

Our silly, sweet family! This pic makes my heart happy!

christmas already?!?

Wasn't it just summer? Where does the time go?

We have already had a few Christmas celebratory moments. The Christmas parade was not long after Thanksgiving. We got to see Abby Pea march by in her cute Santa hat really quickly! Sitting there for an hour just to see your pea march by for three seconds? Yep, and we enjoyed all three seconds of it! :)

The Christmas parade was really cool. The Christian academy here definitely had the best Christmas float ever! It was a nativity with the kids as the characters and the rest of the little peas were dressed as angels and singing. I was trying to hold back the tears; it was so darn cute and special! Anyhoo, back to my sweet peas!

Anne Pea had her band concert the other day. I couldn't hear her by herself, but she was definitely the cutest one up there! I had forgotten my phone, so I don't have video of it {Abby had her phone; I will have to try to get the video from it.}. But I got a sweet pic of her afterward!

We also had Christmas with my parents and my brother's sweet family. I love having my nieces around! Eeeekk! Opening presents is so much fun with the littlest peas!

Nina and Papa D's beautiful tree! I snuck a peek and a pic!

I love seeing these little peas with their messy hair and in their jammies opening presents! So cute!

Rylee Pea was the little elf passing presents out to everyone {with a little help from the bigger peas}!

Someone was awfully good this year to get such a big present!

Preslee Pea opening a present!

Rylee Pea must have been a good girl! She has a big pea-resent!

Rylee had to help Anne Pea with one of her presents!

I know I was supposed to crop out all of the big peas, but I just love this pic of Rylee and her Daddy cuddling together!

Preslee Pea is our wild child! She reminds me so much of Anne when she was that age! Haha! Such a cute, sweet mess!

And the whole Barrett-Penprase clan! This almost never happens for us to all be together! Especially including King Pea! So thankful he was here with us this year! There will be more to come! It's not even Christmas yet!

life as we know it

I can't believe it's been a month since I've written. So much has happened, and I thought things would slow down after football season. Haha! What was I thinking?!

We had a great Thanksgiving holiday. Our peas were in beautiful Tennessee with their grandparents. They had an absolute blast and I am really jealous because I didn't get to go! They went zip-lining and Segway-ing (yes, I'm making words up)! And I'm totally jealous! I am so glad they got some time with our Georgia and Tennessee crew though! (Did I mention that I'm jealous?)

Abby's Marquette stuff is slowing way down. We have a parade and a recital coming up, then we'll be done for a little while! Football season was really fun, but I'm quite glad for it to be over. Whew! It's a lot of work! Now, she's back to being her normal, sassy self, and back to work on bringing up that AP World History grade! Pray she passes this darn class!

Anne has a band concert upcoming, and then she's done with her activities for a while, too. We're in the middle of looking for someone to give her a ride home from school most days and someone to give her tennis lessons. I don't want my girlies growing up too fast, but we really need another car and driver in this family! Just 5 more months! {Can you believe Abby's driving?! Me neither!}

King Pea is loving his job and his new promotion!! Congrats! I would be more ecstatic, but the promotion took him farther from home with a commute on a toll road, so his pay will pretty much stay the same.

Speaking of pay though, this momma finally got a new job! An actual one with paychecks and stuff! I've been doing temp work for a couple of months, but it doesn't compare to a steady job! It's in Accounts Payable (again). At a small oil and gas company (eh). It's not the *perfect* job, but it's with really great people and it will pay the bills. I will never give up my tree-hugging ways! :)

We have so much to be thankful for, so much we're blessed by! I can't even count the ways! This Christmas season, we're going to do things simply and lovingly. And we're going to be filled with joy rather than depleted in spirit. May you have the same wonderful experience this year!